This week it was my son’s parent’s evening: always a nervous time for the parent of a trainee tyrant. It started me thinking: what would the school reports of the ancient world say …?
Augustus: Wrote a lovely story recently, called ‘Things Wot I Have Done’.
Hadrian: Happiest in the construction area.
Tarpeia: Shouldn’t be wearing bracelets to school.
Herodotus: Loves storytime.
Romulus: Must learn to share.
Numa: Is getting a bit old for an imaginary friend.
Quintus Caecilius Metellus Pius Cornelianus Scipio Nasica: Still learning to write his name.
Strabo: Has produced excellent work in Geography this year.
Odysseus: Has many talents, but has been finding Geography quite a struggle.
Aeneas: A bit of a worrier.
Achilles: Sometimes refuses to come out of the classroom at play time.
Nero: His creativity is not always appreciated by his classmates.
Tacitus: Has some issues with authority.
Dido: Suffering from separation anxiety.
Livy: Very moral; sometimes tells on other children.
Lavinia: Quiet in class; blushes a lot.
Horace: Spends more time worshipping the water fountain than actually working.
Ovid: Makes the occasional mistake.
Catullus: Can be confrontational – and we need to discuss his language.
Caligula: Might be happier in a more structured environment.
Add your own in the ‘Comments’ at the bottom!
This week’s classical news and views from around the internet
Lots of mummies – BBC News
Roman lead coffins in Surrey – Current Archaeology
Redefining ‘treasure’ – The Guardian
Discovering ‘middle-class’ Egyptians – USA Today
Comment and opinion
Guatemala’s Virgil – The New Criterion
Seneca and slavery – Eidolon
Translating Hesiod – The New Criterion
Talking about pigs – In Medias Res
Roman-ish gossip – Idle Musings
Brexit and the Pyrrhic Victory – Daily JSTOR
Myth for children – Eidolon
Trump and the goddess of chaos – The New Yorker
Trump and emperors – A Don’s Life
Love and poetry – Trinitonian
Gossip and retribution – Aeon
A fatal Athenian love triangle – The Historian’s Hut
The Glorious Twelfth – Lugubelinus
Hypatia the Last Academic – Classical Wisdom Weekly
On classicists and translations – Eidolon
Egypt’s wastepaper baskets – The Spectator
Doing your laundry in ancient Mesopotamia – Atlas Obscura
Livia’s hair – Coins at Warwick
Podcasts, video and other media
On Antigone – BBC World Service
Five things you should know about emperors – Barry Strauss
Colours in antiquity – Classical Reflections
Ovid’s Art of Love – Emperors of Rome
The Punic Wars – Antiquity in Question
The Romanization of Hispania – The History of Spain Podcast
The settling-in of the Goths – History of the Barbarians
Iliadic mullets – Literature and History
Fighting for the Republic – University of Birmingham
The Gallic tsunami – The Hellenistic Age Podcast
In Our Time: Aristotle’s Biology – BBC Radio 4
Roman Britain and The Bronze Age – Fall of Civilizations
Rap-telling the Aeneid – The Latin Programme
Online courses in Greek, Latin and Old Norse – Telepaideia